t CHAOTIC CELTIC BROADCASTING

 
   

BARRA MAN ARRESTED

 
Police in Castlebay have arrested an un-named local man called Michael Joseph MacNeil from Tangusdale following a disturbance in the Main Street on Saturday afternoon.

According to black-eye witnesses, MacNeil went berserk after hearing that Celtic had lost to North Uist United in Cuach a Cho-Op, and punched a number of people in the face before throwing two bottles of 'Parazone' over Father MacNeil of Northton.

Sergeant MacNeil of Castlebay police confirmed that MacNeil had been charged with a Bleach of the Priest and said that a report had been submitted to Procter and Gamble.

 

WHITE ELEPHANT SEEN IN SKYE

 
Following on from reports of leopards being spotted in parts of mainland Scotland, our correspondent in Skye reports that a white elephant has seen at Orbost in the north west of the island. It appears that this large unwanted visitor arrived in a stooshie of noise about two years ago and wreaked havoc amongst a small-holding of flying pigs. The pigs owner -Donald Angus MacLeod observed the mayhem caused by the elephant and said - "I think it is a male elephant, one of the biggest and heaviest I've seen. It's certainly a lot of bull."

When contacted by Amadan:-), the quango responsible for Orbost - HIE (Highlands & Islands Elephants) said that they had a Hunter on scene when the elephant arrived. In an attempt to tame the elephant, he apparently dug a hole but had difficulty getting out of it. When he did, he covered it up, planted hot potatoes around it and ran away to Inverness. They are now trying to subdue the residents by promising to provide a trunk road and additional amenities in the area, including a pier for the red herring fleet.

Meanwhile, the Hunter has written a book 'Last of the Free' relating to his and previous generations pursuit of such a political animal (-remember to put it on your Christmas list next year!).

 

PLANE CRASH IN STORNOWAY

 
Emergency services are still in attendance at the scene of this morning's plane crash in Stornoway.

The plane, a two seater Cessna 152 bound for Inverness, crashed at Sandwick cemetery shortly after take off from Stornoway airport. Local search and rescue workers say have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to rise as digging continues into the evening.

 

EIGG EXPANDS

The population of Eigg was boosted this week when three unemployed Irishmen arrived after hearing that SNH required Tree Fellers to work on their forest.

 

 

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