h THE MOUND (of buachar!)



We have all heard of the 'Register of Members Interests' in which MSPs/MPs have to declare any business or other connections which might affect their normally unbiased judgement (hmmm!).

On looking through this register, it is apparent that these guys and gals must have spouses who own a lot of property, are very wealthy and have no time whatsoever to look after their families when the hard working Members are doing their stuff.

Amadan thought it would be interesting to look through the rubbish from some of our MSPs offices after it has been in the incinerater at the mound, just to get out some proper 'gen' about them. Luckily for us, Seumas Mor mac Domhnull Uileam Padruig Ioseph from Bornish operates the incinerator and he 'accidentally' left bits for us to read.

MICHAEL RUSSELL - Apart from being very late for his own wedding in Lochmaddy, Mike has a couple of other claims to fame. We found the remains of a couple of tickets, one for 'Whisky Galore' at Iochdar Hall and one for 'Kramer vs Kramer' in Balivanaich Gym - surprisingly, they had nothing to do with 'Cinema Sgire', they were just for normal Friday night dances! We also found that Mike has a secret past as a pop singer in a duo with someone called Annie Lennox. He certainly kept that one quiet!

As for his attempts at speaking Gaelic................

JOHN FARQUHAR MORUN - Old JF.oK has had a relatively quiet life in Glen Shiel according to the proper register. We just wonder how he survived all these years on measly councillor's expenses.

On looking through the embers, we found that he has shares in a few of Sheik Mohamed el Racket Toon's prizewinning racehorses as well as cameo appearances in 'Highlander' (stand in for the ex milkman Sean himself). We also found flyers from the last elections which informed the poor electorate that JF had 'a background in rock'. That explains the confusion with his unsuccessful rival and namesake Donnie.

JAMIE YA YA HIC HIC MACGRIGOR - Mr Nice Guy Jamie's rubbish reveals that he was was once turned down as a blood donor for having blue blood and that he was up to something fishy before running for Holyrood (going by the smell of the partially burnt gloves we found). We also found a contract for 'Last of the Summer Wine' and a partially burnt Karoke machine.

(We would be grateful if readers would print Jamie's photograph and pass it round so that the folk that have never heard of him will know he's one of our elected members.)

Next month, more revelations from Mary Scandal and Jim Wallies and we'll take a wee trip down south to see what's in Calum Curlach's bin! Also - 'Alasdair Alick Beag' -if you think you've got away with your Tory Party membership THINK AGAIN!