M MISCELLANY

 

 

SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON?

DO YOU HAVE A JUICY TALE FOR THE AMADAN?

("NO,WE CAN'T MENTION THE TAR!"............ "HOW MANY MISTRESSES DID YOU SAY THE BISHOP HAD?"............" WHAT WASTHE HEARRACH REALLY DOING WITH THE EWE IN THE BACK OF HIS MINI?")

If you know something you shouldn't about any aspect of Hebridean life and you haven't read about it in the "Confession Box", why don't you e-mail us and let us know so that we can consider it's inclusion the next time. Please keep it clean!

poacher@amadan.co.uk

 

 

C CAPTION COMPETITION

 

 
Poor Baaaarbra's got stuck in the rush in Tarbert. What is she saying?
Send Your Answers to competition@amadan.co.uk and if you're the lucky winner you'll receive a years supply of good quality manure, fresh from Taransay.
 

 

c "CHOKES"

 
Q What did the slug say to the snail?
A "Want to buy a 'Big Issue?'
Q Why don't Chinese have white babies?
A Because two wongs don't make a white!
Q What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?
A Somone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.
A couple of cows were standing in a field at Borve in Berneray. One asked the other - "Are you not scared of catching BSE?" The other replied "No, I'm pretty safe 'cos I'm a hen!"
A man from Point sat in the Coffee Pot in Stornoway for eight hours, just staring at a carton of orange juice. When asked what he was doing he said "Look, it says 'concentrate'!" (old one are the best!)
Q What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A A zebra
Q What do you call a fly with no wings?
A A walk
A horse walked into the doctors' surgery at Griminish in Benbecula and the receptionist said " Excuse me , but why the long face?"
A tuna sandwich walked into Harris Hotel and the barman said "Sorry, but we don't serve food in here".
A woodworm walked into the Caley Hotel in Portree and asked "Is the bar-tender in here?"
A white horse walked into the public bar at Rodel Hotel. The friendly barman said "Hallo a' bhalaich, do you know we've got a whisky named after you?" "I don't believe it" said the horse "you've got a whisky called Hector?"
A duck walked into MacNeil's shop in Daliburgh and asked Donnie for a packet of crisps. "I'm sorry, said Donnie "but we don't serve crisps in here.
The next morning, the duck walked in again. " Can I have a packet of crisps please?" Donnie once more told the duck there were no crisps.
On the third morning, Donnie was a little annoyed when he saw the duck coming in again. "Can I have a packet of crisps please?" said the duck. "LOOK!" shouted Donnie, "I've told you three time already that we don't have crisps in here. If you come in again I'll nail your beak shut!"
The next day, the duck went back into the bar and asked "Have you got any nails on you Donnie?"
When Donnie said "no" the ducked asked "can I have a packet of crisps then?"
Did you know that a couple of tv ariels recently got married in Stornoway? The service was awful but the reception was brilliant.
What do you call a man from Vatersay with more than one girlfriend?

A shepherd!

 
THAT'S ENOUGH! WE CAN'T BEAR ANY MORE! PLEASE SEND YOUR JOKES (HOPEFULLY BETTER THAN THESE) TO hughmor@amadan.co.uk
 

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