RECIPE FOR DISASTER
 
For our first recipe, Amadan:-) is delighted to welcome the renowned (gormless) gourmet Seonaidh Smaogaid, fresh from his spell as resident chef at Amhuinnsuidhe Castle. We hope that you enjoy his recipes and those of our other chef, Seumas Snotter, in the months to come. Over to you Seonaidh....
 
Kippers, fried eggs and manifold spam in salad cream:-
 
Phew! Its hot in the kitchen here. Just at well I've got that 'Glade' stuff for my armpits.

Today's recipe is one of my own favourites, passed down to me by by my uncle Lachie Hamish just before he died of salmonella last year. (Dont worry, he caught it from a Stornoway marag his brother had for emergencies during the war - nothing to do with me!)

For the meal you'll need a toaster, a Massey Ferguson tractor, a crocan of finest spam, some kippers and few eggs.

First of all run the tracor for at least an hour. Then get a couple of kippers and put them in the toaster (a tip I learnt from my cousin when I stayed in his caravan in Garynamonie). While the kippers are cooking, pour some "3-in-1" oil on the tractor's manifold and put the spam on it. You're actually better to open the tin and slice the spam first but if you don't, you can do both with an axe later.

Once you've done that, crack a couple of eggs, and cook them on the manifold, if there's any room. If not, the engine casing's a good bet as it's usually got some oil on it and the Castrol GTX gives them a nice flavour.

When you think everything is hot enough, take the kippers out of the toaster and put them in a suitable dish. ( My mother brought me back a really posh stainless steel dish from Petsmart when she was in Inverness). Then slice the spam if you haven't already done so, put it between the kippers (like a sandwich) and place the eggs on top of the lot. To finish off, pour a bottle of salad cream into the dish and then tuck in (only use Heinz - I bought a bottle of another make called 'Dulux' and it was tasted awful).

Wash down with a crocan or two of your favourite tipple (I acquired a few crates of some stuff they make from woodpeckers when I was staying with Johnnie Bulmer at Amhuinnsuidhe and it goes well with this dish - its good in the tractor too!).

Agus sin agad e a 'chairdean. That's this weeks cookery lesson over.

Next time I'll be passing on another delightful recipe - sardines with boiled cabbage and beans, as well as some others.

Hope to see you then

Seonaidh.

PS Please attend one of my cookery demonstrations - next one at An Lanntair in Stornway in a few weeks.

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