MEDIA

 

REVENGE

 

Broadford BeanoSpiffing or What? - The Scottish land owners federation have confirmed that they have issued each of their members with a West highland Free Press car sticker in the hope that one of them will win the £20 weekly prize for displaying same. This ingenious move is intended to seek revenge for all the years of sniping by the paper.

Hugo Ramsbottom Huckleswaite who owns 0.25 acres of land at Glendale in Skye said that so far none of the members had been fortunate to win the £20 but that it was only a matter of time. Look out Wee Brain (sorry, my spellchecker seems to have missed that one), you'll soon have to dig deep!

(Incidentally, the sticker Amadan got was www.whfp.co.uk - this website is only marginally worse than it's Stornoway rival and must be one of the worst newspaper sites in existence! Mr MacCormack, if you need a revamped website......)

Sticking with the same paper, Amadan has learned that Alasdair Morrison MSP has a retainer from the Beano to provide at least one snippet of humourous goss for the 'Phrase Shed' every month. If he doesn't come up with something, big brother Iain resorts to stealing his dinner jacket or phones up some fellow Tim supporters in Dublin to rough him up for wearing a suit.

 

NEWSPAPER WAR IN LEWIS

 

thesonA paper war looks likely in Lewis with the news that Harris based journalist John Macleod is to launch a new tabloid called 'The Son' to compete with the sensationalist, scandal-mongering columns of the 'Island Post'. The launch follows an article about Mr MacLeod's father which was recently published by the Post.

In an 'X'-clusive for the first issue, Mr MacLeod reports from Houston , USA where NASA scientists have revealed they have spotted the first journalist who can be seen from outer space. He also tells of how he got left behind when all the other 'Tarbert Terrors' sailed to Taransay.

With riveting stories such as this to compete with, Amadan thinks it won't be long before the 'Last Post' is heard from the Island Post offices.

 

CHURCH STREET STORIES

 

GazetteOh the poor old Stornoway Gazette, they are really trying hard aren't they -Tommy Sheridan, Sarah Boyack, Iain D, agus Eddie Young e 'fhein. Yes, they've got VIP columnists in an attempt to beat off the WHFP and Oban Times. Amadan wonders why they have bothered paying these people a hefty sum when they already have seasoned pro's writing in the column formerly known as the "Butt to Barra" - where else would you hear about the Tarbert sheep with liver fluke, daffodils avoiding the gales, little lambs frisking about the hillside and the unexpected death of Domhnull Seumas Seonaidh Iain an Shoveler (aged 120), from a combination of peunomnia, gangrene and organophosphate overdose?

A wee birdy tells me the pressure is on though. A memo from the Gazette office, went out to the writer from Ness recently threatening that his column would be incorporated into the 'Births, Marriages and Deaths' columns unless he bucked up his ideas. The next week three deaths were reported but he saved the day by mentioning the price of butter in Cross Stores. Phew!

Still, things can't be too good in Church Street as they have now resorted to having Iain D and Eddie Young on the masthead almost every week. Me thinks they should get in touch with John MacLeod and Iain X.

- Talking of Eddie Young, we Amadain aren't as stupid as some would make out. It is obvious to us that cloning began a long time before poor Dolly was heard of. Look at the two clones set loose in educational establishments a few years back - Eddie Young ex Nicolson Institute and Professor Donald Meek of the Celtic Department, Aberdeen University. What do you think?

EDDIE YOUNG
DONALD MEEK

 

CHOINT RESOURCES

 

Cathy MacCrombieScottish Television and BBC Alba are to save on resources in the future by amalgamating 'Scottish Passport' and 'Eorpa'. This will reduce Cathy MacCrombie's suncream bill and will allow John Morrison to be in Scotland for at least one day a week to carry out his tuties as Chuf Poillyticall Correspondaaant.

In the next series, Cathy reports from Spain where she tests out a new Harris Tweed bikini and finds the best place to catch cuddies on the Costa's, Michael MacNeil reports from Skye where he surveys out self catering accomodation at Loch Coruisk and interviews Archie MacLean who survived being gored by the Sabhal Mor Ostaig Bull. Super Suzie Algie visits Monaco and finds a shop stocking fresh Guga before visiting a sheep sale, and John Morrison goes home to Norss Uist where he visits the best gambling dens and gives advice on the best berthing sites for Sunseeker yachts.

 

DE A NIS?
 
GTVGrampian Television are to broadcast future Telefios programmes in Doric or Glaswegian as they have no Gaelic speaking presenters left. A senior manager in Glasgow said that the Gaels were too thick to notice the change and, in any case, most of them would be drunk in bed at the new 3.00am broadcast time.

 

PROSBAIG

 

Poor Patrick Moore made his way up to the Western Isles recently after hearing about a new 'rising star', but left disappointed not to have seen it.

Locals who first saw it shining near Bayhead Shop, North Uist, told the Sky at Night programme that the star hadn't been seen in the area lately but they believed it could now be seen in easterly skies where it was shining brighter than it's brother.

 

Keep the Claws

cuillins